Friday, August 29, 2003
DENTAL VOYEURISM
There is a dentist on Second Avenue that has a live webcam of his operating room. You can see patients. It's always on (note the traffic out the window), but look again during business hours which, if this guy's anything like my lazy-ass dentist, is something like 8 to 1 Mondays and Thursdays.
There is a dentist on Second Avenue that has a live webcam of his operating room. You can see patients. It's always on (note the traffic out the window), but look again during business hours which, if this guy's anything like my lazy-ass dentist, is something like 8 to 1 Mondays and Thursdays.
SPEAKING OF DOLLYWOOD
Here's a way you can enjoy your Labor Day weekend: A bluegrass festival at the theme park in question.
Here's a way you can enjoy your Labor Day weekend: A bluegrass festival at the theme park in question.
NOTE ABOUT THE CRAZY INSANE BRIDE FROM HELL WHO GOT ARRESTED ON HER WEDDING DAY AND WHOSE UNFLATTERING MUG SHOT WAS ON LOCAL TELEVISION BROADCASTS EVERYWHERE, THE STORY NESTLED IN THE HUMAN INTEREST SPOT BETWEEN NEWS ABOUT IRAQ AND THE WEATHER REPORT
Yes, the one who was seen in the home movie cursing local police. Guess where she and the groom honeymooned? Give up? Dollywood.
Yes, the one who was seen in the home movie cursing local police. Guess where she and the groom honeymooned? Give up? Dollywood.
OVERHEARD DURING AFTERNOON TEA AT FAUCHON ON PARK AVENUE
So I'm sitting at Fauchon enjoying afternoon tea when I hear two well-dressed women chatting. I am taken aback when between bites of fruits confits tea cake, one says to the other "Why aren't more desk jockeys posting?" That's something I cannot answer, except to say that more desk jockeys need to be posting! Posting crazy whack-ass stories like this!
So I'm sitting at Fauchon enjoying afternoon tea when I hear two well-dressed women chatting. I am taken aback when between bites of fruits confits tea cake, one says to the other "Why aren't more desk jockeys posting?" That's something I cannot answer, except to say that more desk jockeys need to be posting! Posting crazy whack-ass stories like this!
REGARDING THE LEFTOVER CHICKEN I TOOK FOR LUNCH TODAY
Regarding the leftover chicken I took for lunch today that was sitting in its own lukewarm gelatinous mush: it looked exactly like cat food. Speaking of which, did you know that the federal government has regulations forbidding pet food manufacturers from making their product look like it is fit for human consumption?
Regarding the leftover chicken I took for lunch today that was sitting in its own lukewarm gelatinous mush: it looked exactly like cat food. Speaking of which, did you know that the federal government has regulations forbidding pet food manufacturers from making their product look like it is fit for human consumption?
FREEDOM
Many of you might be going away for the holiday weekend. And if you're not, then the terrorists will have won.
Many of you might be going away for the holiday weekend. And if you're not, then the terrorists will have won.
Thursday, August 28, 2003
EDIFICATION
I never really understood what tennis elbow was. Until now: "Overusing the muscles in your arm can lead to tiny tears in the tendons that attach the muscles in your forearms to the epicondyles."
I never really understood what tennis elbow was. Until now: "Overusing the muscles in your arm can lead to tiny tears in the tendons that attach the muscles in your forearms to the epicondyles."
SPEAKING OF WHICH
Speaking of Anna Kournikova, the New York Post is snarking that she's a crappy reporter in her spots on USA during the Open.
Speaking of Anna Kournikova, the New York Post is snarking that she's a crappy reporter in her spots on USA during the Open.
SHAKEN BABY SYNDROME?
No, but New York Newsday has an article with the headline "Tennis Babe Syndrome Won't Shake." That's rather esoteric, isn't it? Regardless, the article features hotties like Jelena Dokic, who is quoted on the phenomenon of the media looking for the next "tennis babe" now that Anna Kournikova has a bad back: "It's not just tennis anymore; it's much more than that. It's gone more into shorter skirts, who looks good, who doesn't look good. I think we all expect that." Hello! Are they totally forgetting James Blake?
No, but New York Newsday has an article with the headline "Tennis Babe Syndrome Won't Shake." That's rather esoteric, isn't it? Regardless, the article features hotties like Jelena Dokic, who is quoted on the phenomenon of the media looking for the next "tennis babe" now that Anna Kournikova has a bad back: "It's not just tennis anymore; it's much more than that. It's gone more into shorter skirts, who looks good, who doesn't look good. I think we all expect that." Hello! Are they totally forgetting James Blake?
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
EDIFICATION
We can and should close out today's transmission with something edifying. Like learning how to shuck oysters.
Which begs the question "Are oysters really aphrodisiacs?" According to American Mussel Harvesters, Inc., yes: "scientists . . . have shown that oysters have high mineral, salt and glycogen content, essential elements in muscle contraction. It is fact that oysters are full of zinc. Zinc controls progesterone levels, which have a positive effect on the libido. Zinc deficiency can cause impotence in men, so any food rich in zinc is considered an aphrodisiac in that respect, and oysters happen to be loaded with zinc."
Of course, the CDC also notes that since oysters are designed to filter sea water -- massive amounts of sea water -- they can be contaminated by raw sewage being dumped overboard by boaters. Yuck!
We can and should close out today's transmission with something edifying. Like learning how to shuck oysters.
Which begs the question "Are oysters really aphrodisiacs?" According to American Mussel Harvesters, Inc., yes: "scientists . . . have shown that oysters have high mineral, salt and glycogen content, essential elements in muscle contraction. It is fact that oysters are full of zinc. Zinc controls progesterone levels, which have a positive effect on the libido. Zinc deficiency can cause impotence in men, so any food rich in zinc is considered an aphrodisiac in that respect, and oysters happen to be loaded with zinc."
Of course, the CDC also notes that since oysters are designed to filter sea water -- massive amounts of sea water -- they can be contaminated by raw sewage being dumped overboard by boaters. Yuck!
THIS SMELLS FISHY
This smells rather fishy: "Hate the indignity of doing laundry? Do you suck at ironing? Let ME do it all for you for FREE!!! I'm 29, very goodlooking, in-shape/athletic (5'10", 155), and I enjoy doing stuff for hot looking, arrogant jocks. Nothing in exchange - just pure labor exploitation."
This smells rather fishy: "Hate the indignity of doing laundry? Do you suck at ironing? Let ME do it all for you for FREE!!! I'm 29, very goodlooking, in-shape/athletic (5'10", 155), and I enjoy doing stuff for hot looking, arrogant jocks. Nothing in exchange - just pure labor exploitation."
SORRY . . .
I couldn't help it. It's the chemistry you gotta believe in, the Pisces chemistry that will make it all work.
I couldn't help it. It's the chemistry you gotta believe in, the Pisces chemistry that will make it all work.
ANOTHER SEAFOOD STORY
(For today, I will attempt to post only about seafood stories.) Australian officials have finally caught up with a trawler they had been chasing for 20 days. The boat was illegally fishing Patagonian toothfish, more commonly known as Chilean Sea Bass. Patagonian toothfish, if you haven't heard, are being overfished. I was always under the impression that the stuff we eat in the restaurants was OK, but apparently some people are making it difficult to tell.
(For today, I will attempt to post only about seafood stories.) Australian officials have finally caught up with a trawler they had been chasing for 20 days. The boat was illegally fishing Patagonian toothfish, more commonly known as Chilean Sea Bass. Patagonian toothfish, if you haven't heard, are being overfished. I was always under the impression that the stuff we eat in the restaurants was OK, but apparently some people are making it difficult to tell.
BREAKING NEWS FROM SEAFOOD.COM
This reads like the Onion: "The manager of the restaurant where Bobby Brown was arrested on Friday night has graciously covered his unpaid bill in the hopes he'll return with wife Whitney Houston."
This reads like the Onion: "The manager of the restaurant where Bobby Brown was arrested on Friday night has graciously covered his unpaid bill in the hopes he'll return with wife Whitney Houston."
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
PERHAPS A LITTLE EARLY . . .
. . . to be looking up such arcane topics, but I thought I'd pass it along to those who were interested. My favorite so far: "launching a butt shuttle."
. . . to be looking up such arcane topics, but I thought I'd pass it along to those who were interested. My favorite so far: "launching a butt shuttle."
Monday, August 25, 2003
PRE-IRONIC FOAM FINGERS ARE THE NEW TRUCKER CAPS
What I said.
UPDATE: That's my entry for Frank's caption contest below.
What I said.
UPDATE: That's my entry for Frank's caption contest below.
BOB GRAHAM MUST DECIDE ON ONE CAREER
My career counselor told me I need to "focus" more. Bob Graham must be in real trouble then.
Dude was even Santa Claus. Scary.
My career counselor told me I need to "focus" more. Bob Graham must be in real trouble then.
Dude was even Santa Claus. Scary.
NEW CAREERS
Sorry for the confusion, but this is absolutely the site of the day. I think I've found a new career. Wow. My 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. blues have been, excuse the pun, totally blown away.
Sorry for the confusion, but this is absolutely the site of the day. I think I've found a new career. Wow. My 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. blues have been, excuse the pun, totally blown away.
A SHORT NOTE
To the stylish gentleman on Madison Avenue screaming Glengarry Glen Ross monologues into his cell phone during lunch today -- thanks . . . for making me feel like the biggest slacker in the world.
To the stylish gentleman on Madison Avenue screaming Glengarry Glen Ross monologues into his cell phone during lunch today -- thanks . . . for making me feel like the biggest slacker in the world.
SITE OF THE DAY
Compete for the worst job of 2003. Worst jobs of 2002 included "turd diver" and "asbestos remover," to name a couple.
Compete for the worst job of 2003. Worst jobs of 2002 included "turd diver" and "asbestos remover," to name a couple.
JOB PR0NO PART TWO
Sorry, I nearly forgot - you can do the same job as below, except now you're a personal assistant. For $85,000.
Then there's the "Media company run by best-selling author and television journalist" who is seeking a "highly intelligent, organized individual with outstanding verbal, writing, and research skills to help with editing and television appearances." Another hotmail account. And that posting has been there for even longer I think. What is this about?
Sorry, I nearly forgot - you can do the same job as below, except now you're a personal assistant. For $85,000.
Then there's the "Media company run by best-selling author and television journalist" who is seeking a "highly intelligent, organized individual with outstanding verbal, writing, and research skills to help with editing and television appearances." Another hotmail account. And that posting has been there for even longer I think. What is this about?
JOB pR0NO
This job listing has been in the NY Times for at least six months now. It lures you in with $85,000 to $95,000 to start. You work doing "special research projects and various administrative tasks on behalf of one of Wall Street's most successful entrepreneurs." Then they have a sketchy hotmail address where you send your resume to. I want to know: what is the catch here?
This job listing has been in the NY Times for at least six months now. It lures you in with $85,000 to $95,000 to start. You work doing "special research projects and various administrative tasks on behalf of one of Wall Street's most successful entrepreneurs." Then they have a sketchy hotmail address where you send your resume to. I want to know: what is the catch here?
Monday doesn't seem so bad when you consider fifteen-hour days working for 50 cents a day trying to pay off the debt of your parents.
Friday, August 22, 2003
Let's see if we can get some images up here...
Deskjockeys' first caption contest: Japan's Prime Minister brought a robot with him on his last visit to the Czech Republic, in honor of Czech writer Karel Capek, who coined the term "robot."
Anyone got a better caption for this one? Here's the link.
Deskjockeys' first caption contest: Japan's Prime Minister brought a robot with him on his last visit to the Czech Republic, in honor of Czech writer Karel Capek, who coined the term "robot."
Anyone got a better caption for this one? Here's the link.
Microsoft will hire 5,000 people this year, but you have to answer a bunch of weird-ass questions if you want to get a job there:
"If you could remove any of the 50 states, which would it be?"
I suppose "Alberta" would be considered a wrong answer.
"If you could remove any of the 50 states, which would it be?"
I suppose "Alberta" would be considered a wrong answer.
New careers.
And when the worst boss ever assumed his post at the Iraqi Industry Ministry, he reportedly told his new employees: "I don't know anything about industry. All I know is, anyone who doesn't work hard will be executed."
And when the worst boss ever assumed his post at the Iraqi Industry Ministry, he reportedly told his new employees: "I don't know anything about industry. All I know is, anyone who doesn't work hard will be executed."
It's getting rough for polygamists:
"As law enforcement officials and legislators from Arizona, Utah and Canada gather in St. George, Utah, today for a summit on polygamy, proponents of multiple marriage are facing their worst crisis since the state of Arizona raided the enclave of Short Creek, now Colorado City, 50 years ago."
Bonus points: The Arizona Republic has a link to a story about Elizabeth Smart's parents signing movie and book deals directly underneath, as a related story.
"As law enforcement officials and legislators from Arizona, Utah and Canada gather in St. George, Utah, today for a summit on polygamy, proponents of multiple marriage are facing their worst crisis since the state of Arizona raided the enclave of Short Creek, now Colorado City, 50 years ago."
Bonus points: The Arizona Republic has a link to a story about Elizabeth Smart's parents signing movie and book deals directly underneath, as a related story.
Here I am! This is kind of cool. A real life blog. How Howard Dean of us!
Here I am!
Welcome to the all-new Deskjockeys online blog. Here we go, kids!
